I can’t believe October is over. October is my favorite month of the year. Nothing feels fresher or more vibrant than a crisp fall day, even in a place like San Diego where the seasons don’t actually, well, happen sometimes. October is when I get to dig into the heart of the year. We’re deep into the story of 2010 now – we’re harvesting all of the newness from the spring and we’re settling down from the joys of summer. I love looking forward to the boatload of holidays that are on the horizon, because with those holidays come friends, family, and best of all, holiday food.
And it’s over. I’m kind of bummed, because I feel like I missed my chance to look forward to anything. We had a crazy busy month and even though it was absolutely incredible in so many ways, we never slowed down. In fact, most of our days were spent at mach speed just keeping up with all of the demands that the month put on us. I mean, it’s November 1st and I still feel like it’s September 20th. Where did October go?
I can always make myself feel better by saying that I will enjoy November and December more. That Jeff and I will make a point to slow down and really enjoy the next two months. But haven’t we been here already? Haven’t I whined this very thing at the end of every single month this past year? The past two years? Haven’t I sat and moaned about time slipping by enough? Haven’t I already bitterly stamped my foot at this same crossroads as I whiz on by, ignoring the signs that point at the benches and meadows and trees that are surrounding me, begging me to slow down?
And what happens with the next month? It gets just as full. Somehow. I don’t know how. And then suddenly that month slips by just as quickly and imperceptibly as the last and my broken record keeps playing on.
So here’s what I’m really trying to get at: What if I end up at this same place ten years from now? What if I suddenly turn around someday and realize that in my pursuit of the next big thing I never enjoyed an October again? It’s scary to think that our days are numbered – and they really truly are – and that thought send shivers up my spine. I count myself lucky that I am still in my twenties and still have time on my side, but someday that won’t be true anymore. Someday I will be sixty, seventy, eighty, and I don’t want to be having this conversation at an age when I’ll be regretting my choice to move at such a fast pace.
So with all of this in mind, I have this feeling that slowing down and recapturing my days is a daily process. That I need to take each day a little slower. Because right now I’m always focusing on what’s happening next week or next month, and then before I know it, ‘right now’ is already over. So I guess I’m just realizing as I write this that I will always be stuck at September 20th unless I decide every morning to live each day like it’s November 1st.
So what am I gonna do? Well, for starters, I’m going to stop writing and go on a scooter ride with my hubby. Because it just so happens to be a great day to celebrate November 1st.