I’m in the process of learning how to cook. Like how to really cook with technique and stuff, because I’m a five-foot-nine gangly klutz with a brain full of hot air when I’m in the kitchen. I’ve dropped, burned, cut, dried out, over cooked, undercooked, and over spiced so much food that it could feed a small country. And I’m sure they wouldn’t eat any of it.
Just an example: Jeff and I were on an intense green smoothie kick for a while, where we would drink smoothies made of spinach and fruit. We even bought one of those commercial grade Blendtec blenders from one of those salesman guys at Costco near the frozen foods and wine. (Hey don’t judge. If you saw how the guy made made hot soup from raw tomatoes and oregano using only a blender, you would have bought one too.)
So we would pack our brand new high-powered blender half full of spinach, then fill the rest with frozen strawberries, blueberries, bananas, and peaches, throw in half a lemon (with the lemon peel), an avocado for good measure, flax seed and protein powder, then blend it up and sip it through a straw.
Yep, they sound disgusting. But they are oh so tasty. And they clean out your body’s systems real good, IF you know what I mean…
But the morning that I over-filled the blender and sticky green, spinach smoothie exploded all over my face and hair, vaulting across the kitchen and leaving a trail of half-blended produce in it’s wake was the last morning I blended anything. Scrubbing foul-smelling brown smoothie chunks from the top cabinets on the other side of the kitchen in smoothie covered pajamas was not my idea of healthy morning rays of sunshine.
But my Klutz Chronicles continue still, and the other day I chopped my finger. Like real bad. I lost part of my fingernail and now have a small hole in my fingertip. I burn and cut myself fairly often in the kitchen and have learned to keep a stack of bandages handy in the pantry, but this was a doozy. I’m actually missing part of my finger! But as I wrapped my finger in gauze and ran to Jeff for help, I actually have to admit that I was smiling. When I was shooting for the Food Network in February, the host of the show we were filming actually cut her finger the same exact way on set so I can’t help but feel like this cut was a little less klutzy and a little more profesh (short for professional – new word folks, use it this week.)
So I’m slightly proud of my bandaged finger. Even if it’s a nasty cut that makes me feel an ounce of solidarity with the cooking world, this five-foot-nine hot-aired klutz will take it.
Now I want to hear about YOUR kitchen mishaps. Tell me in the comments all about a time that things just went desperately wrong or exploded to pieces. And please tell me that you actually have these stories and that I’m not alone in this! We’ll pick a random winner from the comments and the prizes are these two adorable oven mitts from Sur La Table. Some protection, you might say, from the perils of the kitchen…
The contest will end next Friday on April 27, 2012, so happy commenting! I am beyond excited because your comments are always so incredibly awesome!!